The Halo Bulletin:

The Halo Bulletin: 8/24/11









Elephant beats everything.

Let’s
say you and I were tasked with stopping by the Washington State
Convention Center to check on the progress of the Halo Fest
preparations. Let’s also say that, upon walking in, we notice all the
pieces of news set to be released over the course of the three-day
weekend have suddenly taken on a physically tangible state. As we
consider the clutter filling up the 30,000 square foot room, we find
ourselves faced with two clear choices: pick up the chaotic mess of
disclosure-filled announcements, or ignore the opportunity for
enlightenment and continue along our merry way. Since I am against
anything that has the potential to make beads of perspiration pop up
across my typically sweat-free brow, obviously we'd choose the second
option. But had we gone with the first option and subsequently decided
to weigh the mass of clutter, we would be proud owners of a
headline-making pile of Halo news and announcements weighing almost as
much as an Elephant. And I’m not talking about the animal. Oh no, I’m
referring to the behemoth-sized UNSC transport whose weight is
equivalent to a metric number two-ton.

To make a cryptic
scenario crystal clear, we have a lot of things we’re incredibly excited
to share with you at Halo Fest. But why am I bringing that up now, with
the festivities still 48 hours away? Because the impending explosion of
news means I don’t have any big bombs to drop today. If your undies
suddenly started twisting themselves into knotted knickers upon reading
that statement, fret not because my brain continues to excrete partially
coherent thoughts via my speed-challenged fingers. In summary, you will
have lots to read in today’s Bulletin. Just not anything that qualifies
as one of our typically sizable announcements.

Now that our previously precarious situation has been sorted, let’s begin our customary exchange of pleasantries!





Halo Fest
starts on Friday. For those of you that live in a world where not
tracking sunrise-to-sunsets is acceptable, that is in two days.
Actually, less than two days, if you prefer smaller, more accurate
lengths of time. While I have yet to complete the Halo Community panel
outline, I have next week set aside for that, so I’m not overly
concerned. Worst case scenario, I’ll make the panelists sing 80s-themed
karaoke during their allotted hours. The rest of the panels are good to
go, though, which I can confirm as I’ve witnessed dry runs of several of
them. The Halo 4 panel in particular was incredibly intriguing, and I’m
not just saying that because they bribed me with pizza. Oh no, it takes
more than flattened pepperoni-topped dough to get a good review from
me. (Protip: it’s the cheese-filled crust that seals the deal.)

Speaking
of the numerous panels, there are so many things that comprise our Halo
Fest agenda that you will undoubtedly miss a few of the festivities
along the way. In an effort to minimize your losses, I’ve decided to
share my top five tips for maximizing your celebratory experience.




Have a clear-cut strategy.
We
have 12 panels, six tournaments, five playable Halo: Anniversary maps,
and many more things I’m entirely too lazy to type up, all demanding
your undivided attention. So, unless you plan on cloning yourself, you
should schedule your time accordingly. Decide which things are most
important to you, block off that time either on paper or in digital
form, and then move on to the next batch of activities you hope to fit
in. Certain things—like ogling the awesomeness that is the Weta Warthog
or taking multiple trips down memory lane with all of the individual
Halo titles—can be done at any time. Other things, though, are available
for one hour and one hour only. I’m pretty sure there’s a joke in there
somewhere, but I’m not going to touch it. And yes, that’s what I said.

Multitask.
Let’s
face it: the last thing you want to do is set aside significant amounts
of time for eating and drinking. Unfortunately, though, you still need
to invest the time in the life-sustaining basics. An easy way to
multitask is by doing the aforementioned necessities while you’re in
line. PAX recommends securing your spot for upcoming panels at least 30
minutes in advance. I typically set aside at least one hour to guarantee
admittance. Grab some food, and use that down time to satiate your
body. Just make sure you keep some gum in your pocket. Nobody wants to
be assaulted by the aftermath of your garlic-laden lunch later in the
day.

Pack like you’re Lighter Than None.
Whether
you wield a man purse, wear a backpack, or have the deepest pockets
known to mankind, there are a few things you should never leave your
hotel without: personal identification, your cell phone, a camera, at
least one form of payment, and numerous breath-freshening agents. I’ll
also divulge a teeny tiny secret about something I bring with me to
conventions: deodorant. If your underarms are as noxious as mine,
freshening up throughout a long day is mandatory. Every few hours I take
a trip to the ladies room, dampen a soap-drenched paper towel, and
clean the hairy enclaves that are my pits. After a fresh application of
deodorant, the only lingering scent is flowers. Well, flowers that have
been dipped in a steaming pile of BO. But still, it’s better than the
odor that existed before. Trust me on that.

Dress comfortably.
You
will be on your feet for the majority of the extended weekend. And if
your backside prefers being planted firmly in a chair as mine does, your
poor, underutilized feet will be beyond tired by the end of each day.
Minimize the pain by wearing sensible shoes. Sure, your brand new
thigh-high boots are gorgeous. But if your feet begin aching after five
seconds of walking in them, imagine how they’ll feel after three days.
Definitely not worth it. For the record, I’ll be wearing sneakers the
entirety of Fest. Yes, they’re obnoxiously pink and sparkly, but they’re
sneakers all the same.

Seize the day.
You
are going to have the opportunity to meet an unbelievable amount of
people. Everybody from the faces behind your favorite video games to
those that watch your back while traversing the online battlefields. If
you see someone you recognize—either by catching sight of their handsome
mug or perhaps a badge that reveals their virtual identity—say hi. Take
it from me, you’ll regret it if you don’t. The only person I don’t
recommend doing that with is me. If you think reading my words week
after week is akin to torture, wait until you meet me in person. I’ve
been told people turn to stone after seeing me in their nightmares. And
not just when I wear my hair curly, either.





Beyond the tips, something else that may be of interest to those
of you attending will also be helpful to those planning on being there
in spirit only. IGN—barring any dreaded, unforeseen technical
difficulties—is planning on live streaming the big three panels (Halo:
Anniversary, Halo Universe, and Halo 4) both on their website
and also within the walls of Halo Fest. That’s right, whether you’re
sitting on the comfort of your couch or you’re within the Halo Fest
space itself, you’ll be able to watch the three main panels in all of
their Halo glory. High five for streaming live!





I think it looks more like a Puma.

Even
though it doesn’t rhyme, another thing that deserves a high five is the
official arrival of the Warthog. A few days ago, I had the totally hard
job of going to the warehouse to confirm its arrival. Yes, I got in my
car and traveled almost 20 air conditioned minutes to make sure the real
life anti-infantry vehicle survived its trek across the ocean. Now
seems like a good time to mention that you people are lucky I’m so
dedicated to my job. Not everybody would make a sacrifice like that, you
know. But me, well, I’m willing to go the extra mile to see a fully
functional vehicle from the Halo Universe. You can’t ever say I haven’t
done anything for you now. Just FYI.

Anyway, after my
not-very-long drive to the warehouse, I was greeted with an absolutely
glorious sight. I’d like to tell you how it felt to turn the corner and
set eyes upon the real life version of my favorite Halo vehicle but
alas, a mention of the goosebumps that quickly spread across my arms is
the closest I can get to describing this surreal experience. It was in
this vehicle, during the last level of CE, that I fell in love with
Halo. And that emotion came rushing back the second I set eyes upon its
carefully crafted descendant. My words are not doing this incredible
replica justice, so I will instead offer your hungry eyes a picture
depicting the exact moment the Warthog and myself became one. Don’t ogle
‘er too much, though, because I’m definitely the jealous type. PS: You
can almost see me over the turret. Almost…




My dear coworker David Ellis didn’t have the opportunity to ride
shotgun in the ‘Hog. However, he did have a different, equally amazing
experience for which your ears will directly reap the benefits.

From the smooth talking man himself:

As
you've already noticed from this Bulletin, we're in full-on Halo Fest
mode here at 343. So in the spirit of celebrating the 10th anniversary
of Halo: Combat Evolved's release, we welcomed former Bungie Game Design
Lead Jaime Griesemer to the Sparkast to talk about his experiences
working on the seminal shooter for the original Xbox. As a huge Halo
fan, it's rare that I learn new things about the titles I've played
through dozens and dozens of times. It was a fantastic experience to be
able to pick Jaime's brain for an hour and hear some new
behind-the-scenes stories about the creation of the first Halo. You can
download and listen to this very special pre-Fest episode of the
Sparkast here. Remember, if you'd like to have new episodes of the Sparkast delivered to you every time we post them, you can subscribe via Zune, iTunes or RSS. I now return you to your regularly scheduled Bulletin, already in progress.



David’s defenses must have been down last week because he
graciously agreed to let me take part in his regularly recorded
shenanigans. And let me say he ended up making the right decision when
he cut that segment. Perhaps you’ll hear the screeching that is my voice
sometime in the future. For this particular episode, though, Jaime’s
dulcet delivery will definitely be the music to your ears.




While we’re excited about Halo’s big bash, it turns out OXM—or
Official Xbox Magazine as they’re also known—is pretty pumped about the
festivities, too. I’m not going to post any spoilers, but let’s just say
this is one issue you’re definitely going to want to pick up. Since a
picture speaks a thousand words, but more importantly, saves me from
typing that ridiculously huge amount, here’s the cover to whet your
ten-years-in-the-making appetite.