More Totally Radical Video Game Ads

In today's flashy, business-minded world, the people in charge of game
advertising are creatively stuck-in-a-rut; they have to worry about
unimportant things like 'making a game look good' and 'being in good
taste'.


But in the 'all or nothing' days of the 80s and 90s, designers and advertising execs were true
artists. They were responsible for game ads that were so beautiful, so
enchanting and so magnificent, that they could make the majestic
supermodel/author Fabio disgusted by his own immaculate reflection.


So join us for another edition of Totally Radical Video Game Ads, where we'll gaze in amazement at some incredible (in the good and bad sense) game ads and art from yesteryear. Those who missed the previous installments can check out Pac-Man and Contra ads here and Mortal Kombat ads here.

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If it wasn't for the old game being advertised, you could be mistaken
for thinking that this is a photo of a random group of annoying,
modern-day hipsters. Luckily, these people have an excuse for looking so
ridiculous. On a side-note - did the dog eat the kid and steal his
sunglasses?

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With all the pervy dudes that have likely ogled this poster, it's
unlikely that the 'kit' was the thing that truly came first. (Seriously
though, only in the 80s could that be an appealing look.)

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There's a revolution under way - hordes of talentless jagoffs have been
destroying Aerosmith's 'I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing' with their
horrendous karaoke skills for far too long, and the only person that can
stop it is Milla Jovovich in her Ultraviolet costume!

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The original Johnny Cage actually endorsed this piece of $#@+? Sub-Zero should have ripped his head off when he had the chance.

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It's official - playing Taito games will give you gonorrhea.

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The sexual tension between these two is palpable. What you can't see is
that just below the frame, they're already 'head-to-head'.

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To be honest, I can't really fault this artwork. It's flawless. It also
makes me wish that it was publicly acceptable to walk around with a pair
of nunchucks hanging from your belt.

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I'm trying to figure out what this view of an excited dude's nasal
cavity has to do with Star Wars. Is he the final boss? Does Luke have to
force-guide some missiles all up in there?

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Seriously, my mind is truly boggled by this ad. 'Wouldn't trade these
adventures for all the slime in Hollywood'? What the $%&# does that
even mean? Since when are the turtles massive slime-fiends? I missed the
episode where Raphael was caught with a slime-needle sticking out of
his arm. The half-assed attempt to link it to the live-action film is
also pretty weak. They should've said 'All the Pizza in New York'. That
would've made sense. Perhaps the guys behind this ad confused it with
that other show, Teenage Hollywood Slime Turtles.

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It's official - Nintendo endorses criminal behaviour. Running and
jumping while stabbing and looting? All in a day's work. Now with
Nintendo's official golden seal of quality!

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Only you can save Maria - at 126 beats per minute. No wonder Dom failed
to save Maria in Gears of War 2, he forgot to bring some funky house
music to put her back in the dancing mood.

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Here we have Ben Stiller (in character as Simple Jack) telling us that
it's cool to 'Kick Some Balls'. By the look of his exploding left
testicle, someone took that suggestion all too literally.

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Got your own funny captions for these ads? Post 'em in the comments section! Don't forget to say which poster you're captioning!